So it’s nearly three am again and I am more awake than ever. I think I have broken my body. The depression is getting too me on a daily basis now and the nerves in the right side of my face are going haywire.
I am sleeping at the weirdest times and throwing my body clock out of whack. I figure I’ll have to bite the bullet and just do 36 hours without sleep and try and break myself back into a normal sleep pattern. I figure with plenty of movies and coffee it shouldn’t be too hard. Combine that with random blog postings at varying stages of awakeness and we’ll be flying.
I joined a different kind of Yahoo group this week and unsubbed after a few days. This group took pleasure in being assholes to eachother. As far as I could tell it was a group designed to swap pictures of famous women in varying stages of undress… I have nothing against that, but what ticked me off was the way the group alienated newer members by constant infighting and bitching between a supposed bunch of grown men… they acted like Chav women sat on a street corner drinking cheap ass cider on a wet wednesday afternoon.
I left the group today after sitting through 76 emails about how one woman was a “Hook Nosed Evil GONK”
Fuck that, I would rather share what I find with the people who read this blog (if anyone does).
To that note I have found a rather sexy picture of another one of “My Womens”
Jenny McCarthey is a wild woman. I “discovered” her when she co-hosted The Big Breakfast ages ago. Anywho I was smitten and I woke up at 7am for two weeks just to get my morning madness with Jen and John.
Anywho, This is the first time I have seen this pic… and with my penchant for Black Underwear this picture is just too damn perfect.
I am going to add to the website over the next few days.. gonna make it more about me.
Random writings and bullshit from the one and only me.
I may even play around with some different styles. Well see.
Until Next Time…
As I have mentioned over the past couple of days. I have had a hard time coping with life. No worries really, I have fought before and I will again.. only another 8 days till i get a week off. Anywho, the one thing I have grasped on too is Steve Martin‘ King Tut song. I thought I would share the lyrics, coz damnit they make me laugh.
So here ya go…. by the way.. if you don’t get the bit about being born in Arizona and moving to Babylona….don’t panic I don’t eather. If anyone does no the answer, then please let me know. Ta
Now when he was a young man he never thought he’d see (King Tut)
People stand in line to see the boy king (King Tut)
How’d you get so funky (funky Tut)
Then you’d do the monkey
(Born in Arizona moved to Babylonia King Tut)
Now if I’d known the line would form to see him (King Tut)
I’d take up all my money and buy me a museum (King Tut)
Buried with a donkey (funky Tut)
He’s my favorite honky
(Born in Arizona moved to Babylonia King Tut)
Dancing by the Nile
Ladies loved the style (waltzing Tut)
Rocking for a mile (walking Tut)
He ate a crockodile
He gave his life for tourism
He’s an Egyptian!
They’re selling you
Now when I die now don’t think I’m a nut
Don’t want no fancy funeral just one like old King Tut (King Tut)
He coulda won a grammy (King Tut)
Buried in his jammies
(Born in Arizona moved to Babylonia
Born in Arizona got a condo made of stone-a (sic) King Tut)
Go on tell me you didn’t laugh.. I dare ya…. He’s A WILD AND CRAZY GUY
Until Next Time….
Yesterday was awful.
I was up at the normal time.. anywhere between 7 and 9 am depending on which alarm I listen to. Everything was fine. Spent a good couple of hours going through the archives at Kontraband.com . I found some real funny shit over there. when you have a spare hour or so, check it out.
At about 1pm, I started my daily ritual of getting ready for work and the it happened. I started getting antsy about something. I have no idea what but I was tighter than a fucking wire. I couldn’t shake it, I thought the trip to work would ese me up. I loaded up the mp3 player with stuff that usually mellows me out.
My bus trip usually takes around 35 minutes, I listened to Steve Martin‘ song King Tut all the way there. It didn’t help. My gut was getting nausious and I felt like everything was closing in on me. I couldn’t control my surroundings and I had to get out of there. I left work at 5pm want to just sit in a dark room and cry. These fucking moodswings are killing me. I never know from minute to minute what I am gonna feel like. Some of you (if anyone is reading this) may say no one knows what mood they are gonna be in. and I agree… no one knows shit. But for me, I can be laughing and joking one minute and wanting to smash the shit out of some poor sod who doesn’t deserve it.
I came home and slept all evening, woke up around 9.30 last night and stayed up til three am watching Windtalkers with Linda.
talking of Linda. It’s her birthday today. Today she is 50 tomorrow she says she’ll be 49 again. She just wants to test it out for one day and then start counting backwards..LOL… HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY.
Oh well time for me to start back on the work trail… In case anyone is wondering.. I am still feeling bad today, but no managers were available to arrange an emergency holiday for me today, so I have to go face the world again.. BOLLOX
Until Next Time….
I tried to stay away from the computer as much as possible over the weekend. I just checked my email a few times, tinkered here and there and generally just took it easy. It’s not often that Linda and I get a full weekend with no work distractions so i tend to try and make the most of it when it floats round.
That being the case it’s now tuesday and I am back into the swing of things. Dreading going back to work,, I really don’t want to do it anymore. There is no fun in working at the moment. I know what your all saying “work aint meant to be fun” and I agree with ya.. but for the most part I used to enjoy work. Now I just wish I could say fuck it all and stay home and watch slasher movies all day. I guess that’s part of the depression I have.
My depression is not unusual but it is unusual to me and the way I have started handling it. In the past,years not months, I would have just got all withdrawn and hidden away from it all. I would have made peoples life a misery.. hell I am miserable you can be too. BUt no I just decided to work through the shit and crap and get on with life. I find that I tend to forget the depression for brief periods and enjoy life, but as soon as i stop and sit I zoom straight back into it. The best way I can analogise it is that I am a mountain climber with an endless mountain to climb and a rope is tied to me that gives me enough slack to take the next step up. On occasion the person controling the guide rope looks away and forgets what it’s doing and lets me take a coupl eof steps up without restraint…but soon it will remember it’s job and snap that rope faster than elastic underwear on a fat boy. That’s when I get dragged back into the blackness of depression.
I try not to dwell on it and just get on with my life. I spent far to many years letting it get on top of me and ruin my life.
So I had depressive issue all along but what made them worse and heightend them was a drug called Ro-Accutane. Check out the action website and hear so horror stories.
Until I took this drug I was just depressed at certain times. and when i went into a funk it was a gradual change. But since taking the drug I have moodswings. These moodswings can be triggered by ANYTHING. Someone talking on TV, a song, a person saying something I don’t like, and i switch as quick as that. I should say that the moodswings can work the other way too. I can find somthing so funny that it will drag me out of the depression just as quick. Ohhhhh the joy of it all.
Anyway that my obligatory depression blog post.. I don’t like talking in depth about it.. make me sound like a whinger, which I try not too be.
Oh well almost time to start getting ready for work… I may be back soon.
Until Next Time