I tried to stay away from the computer as much as possible over the weekend. I just checked my email a few times, tinkered here and there and generally just took it easy. It’s not often that Linda and I get a full weekend with no work distractions so i tend to try and make the most of it when it floats round.
That being the case it’s now tuesday and I am back into the swing of things. Dreading going back to work,, I really don’t want to do it anymore. There is no fun in working at the moment. I know what your all saying “work aint meant to be fun” and I agree with ya.. but for the most part I used to enjoy work. Now I just wish I could say fuck it all and stay home and watch slasher movies all day. I guess that’s part of the depression I have.
My depression is not unusual but it is unusual to me and the way I have started handling it. In the past,years not months, I would have just got all withdrawn and hidden away from it all. I would have made peoples life a misery.. hell I am miserable you can be too. BUt no I just decided to work through the shit and crap and get on with life. I find that I tend to forget the depression for brief periods and enjoy life, but as soon as i stop and sit I zoom straight back into it. The best way I can analogise it is that I am a mountain climber with an endless mountain to climb and a rope is tied to me that gives me enough slack to take the next step up. On occasion the person controling the guide rope looks away and forgets what it’s doing and lets me take a coupl eof steps up without restraint…but soon it will remember it’s job and snap that rope faster than elastic underwear on a fat boy. That’s when I get dragged back into the blackness of depression.
I try not to dwell on it and just get on with my life. I spent far to many years letting it get on top of me and ruin my life.
So I had depressive issue all along but what made them worse and heightend them was a drug called Ro-Accutane. Check out the action website and hear so horror stories.
Until I took this drug I was just depressed at certain times. and when i went into a funk it was a gradual change. But since taking the drug I have moodswings. These moodswings can be triggered by ANYTHING. Someone talking on TV, a song, a person saying something I don’t like, and i switch as quick as that. I should say that the moodswings can work the other way too. I can find somthing so funny that it will drag me out of the depression just as quick. Ohhhhh the joy of it all.
Anyway that my obligatory depression blog post.. I don’t like talking in depth about it.. make me sound like a whinger, which I try not too be.
Oh well almost time to start getting ready for work… I may be back soon.
Until Next Time