Fed Up

This is about it

This is about it

It’s been an off day for me. I have felt funky and down for the parts of the day I haven’t been asleep. The only reason I have for feeling this way is that my sleep was screwed up last night. Early night for me tonight.. I am off out to test the anxiety thing tomorrow.

Just a short one from me tonight.. just wanted to let you know that I feel crap and to put the image up there.

Until Next Time…

Walking Through Mud

IT feels like that some times. I don’t feel particularly down tonight… a bit peeved that at ten to three in the morning I am not tired, Instead I am sat here typing this out and listening to the original concept album of Jesus Christ Superstar.
It’s been a weird afternoon and evening. It started out with Linda getting home earlier than Mum, something that I don’t think has happened in at least a year. That’s not all that strange in and of itself but it threw me for a loop. Dunno why it just did,,, I have my order in the day and that just screwed it right up.

I had my third meeting with the Anxiety Management people on Monday. This time I was given homework. We spent an hour that in all honesty felt like three hours, talking about me. We talked so much I was sick of hearing about it. I think that’s they way it works… you talk about you anxieties until you bore them into submission. My homework for the week is:

  • Keep an Anxiety Diary – Detailing individual anxious moments and how you overcame them and how much anxiety you felt on a scale of 1-10
  • To out into Public spaces and if I feel Paranoid because I think people are staring at me I am to mentally say “NO!!! IT’S NOT HAPPENING”
  • Have at least 1 hour a day of ME time. To relax and just be on my own and not have to worrie about anything else. To try and achieve Zero anxiety

It’s all well and good me having homework to do but it’s being able to get out and put myself into stress inducing situations. I am of the mindset that you only go out when you have something to do… and unless you have something to do don’t waste the energy. But I’ll do my best.

Ok I have sat up long enough… I am going to try and sleep. keep your fingers crossed for me.

Until Next Time…

Sigh….

I swear at some point I will keep a blog running for more than two posts a month. For a half arsed explanation as to my absence it’s down to several things.

I have been plagued by insomnia the past few weeks. I can go a few days sleeping normally and then it’s a week of sleeping for 2 hours a day and averaging out at 10 hours sleep for the week. I end up hallucinating and then my mood crashes and I become withdrawn and moody as a ten year old little girl who got her pretty pink dress all messed up. It usually takes me a week of normal sleep to get over a week of insomnia. I sleep through the night and then end up taking two short two hour naps through the day. I know it’s said that you never really “catch up” on missed sleep but I feel like I do.

Another reason for my absence is because I am starting up another website. A review blog. I watch a lot of TV and movies so I figured I would take some time out to improve my writing skills and have something to show for it at the end of it. At the moment I am slowly building up a stock pile of reviews and articles so I can launch the website with more than just a hello and welcome to WordPress article. I am being helped by my brother with the design elements of the site, but I am taking a more active role in the design process. I am working at learning Photoshop so I am doing what I can and getting the technical info off of Nik. His business is taking off and he is busy a lot more now than he was when he built the theme for this blog. It’s about time his skills were appreciated for what they are… and that’s top notch.

I have been referred to Anxiety management classes at a local support centre. It’s one to one coaching and looks to be interesting. The lady who runs the class has claimed that she is a hard task master and will push me way beyond my comfort zone. Now considering where I am at the moment it’s not going to take much pushing to get me outside of my zone. It’s gotten to the point at the moment that I can’t even go to the shop at the end of my road without accompaniment. I am housebound just like the kid in the film Disturbia, except i don’t have an ankle bracelet and my neighbours aren’t offing people, at least I haven’t seen any suspicious bodies being moved around. I just hope that these classes give me some skills that will help me get out and do my own thing again. I don’t envisage me getting another job before we move but going to Psych appointments on my own would be nice. Mind the paradox of it all is that I attend the anxiety classes on my own…. yeah I get a Taxi door to door both ways is a bit of a cop out but I do it on my own.

As mentioned in the last post, there is an art exhibition coming up. All of the art work is done by service users and people associated to the MHT. Be that users, users carers or actual MHT members. I have entered two pieces. I haven’t heard back from them to say whether they like them or that they don’t think they would be suitable. I will have to get in touch with them some time next week. Once the Exhibition is open and running I will post the brand new piece I have done for it and you can all see how far I have come with Photoshop.

Ok That’s me done for this update. Keep yourself safe.

Until Next Time…