I don’t know. I really don’t. Probably not the best way to start a post but I am at a total loss at the moment. Everything seems to be so much blummin effort. The days seem three times longer than normal, I am sleeping more, which makes the days being longer thing even more bizarre. I just get into the swing of things and it takes a left turn into strangeworld. When I got up for the first time this morning I had a little pep about me. I had taken my last two Zopiclones last night so I thought I would be a zombie till lunch time like I have been for the past few days that I have taken them, but no. This morning I could have taken on the world. This lasted for about two and a half hours when all of a sudden Zombieland struck and i needed to lay down again.

Once i woke up again at about noonish I came down and found a letter from the DWP. Ahhhh I thought to myself, news about the old DLA claim. So I grab the letter and head to the lean to for a smokiedokey and to read the joys of benefit living. Rolled my cigarette and opened the letter. First thing that struck me was

Care Component

Well you could have knocked me on my ass with a wet feather. Not 18 months ago I had been awarded both mobility and care at lower rate and we had copied the forms almost verbatim. The forms had changed a little in the interim but not that much. Looking at the reply they sent to me and the reasons they gave for not awarding the care component it’s worded very cleverly so as to be very difficult for me to appeal the decision. We are all going to sit down and see what we can come up with at the weekend and if it turns out that we can work out some additional info that will help us and not make us sound like lieing scum that the Daily Mail would have everyone believe I am then I’ll call them on Monday or Tuesday and see if the will look into my case again.

The relaxation group was cancelled yesterday. I didn’t find that little nugget of joy out until I actually got the meeting place. If I had checked my answering machine I need not have gotten out of my Pyjamas and spent the money of taxi fares two ways. As my mum put it….” At least it got you out of the house for twenty minutes” to which she got a mumbled “Bollocks” back.

I am finding it harder and harder to relate to anything lately. It’s getting hard for me to open up about how  ma feeling to anyone. I am afraid that if I do they are just going to brush it off. Mum and my wife are always asking “whats up” I don’t know how much long “I dunno” is going to work for. It’s wearing pretty thin with me fuck knows what it’s doing to them. I just want the misery to ease up for a few hours. let me be the happy happy me for a while. Just give me that and I’ll be miserable for as long as you want after that.

Until Next Time…

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