Aces High

It’s been a long day and it’s not ending yet. It’s not as if my life amounts to much. I do do a great deal each day. But I survive the best I can and make do with what I have. I took sleepers last night as I have been doing for the past few weeks and the normal course of things is that I go to bed I sleep and if i wake up before 11 I get up have a cigarette and go back to bed to get rid of the residual side effects. This morning I thought I would try something new and get up at 7.30 and have breakfast and see if that helped my day along any. Well by 9am I was asleep again and I didn’t wake up till gone noon. When I woke up I had the most amazing rush of agitation going on in my head.

It was as if everything was running two times as fast as it should, and I felt as if I was about to fall off. Off of what I don’t know but I was definitely not a steady chap this morning. I had taken my pills last night and I took my morning does when I had breakfast (a habit I have gotten into after being diagnosed with Diabetes), so I knew that it wasn’t a meds problem. I muddled through the day being very restless and smoking more than usual. I was continually up and down out of my seat.

I think this is part of a manic phase that doesn’t fully manifest itself. I get so far and then it backs off. Mind you it’s now 3am nearly and I am still wide awake and cognisant enough to write this. If I go to bed I will just lay there and bang leg legs against the matress as though I am running a marathon. So here I sit listening to anything fast and loud. Stuff to take my mind of the racing thoughts and the lack of sleep. So far tonight I have listened to a Rob Zombie Bootleg, a Whitesnake bootleg and now I am listening to Iron Maiden’s Live after Death. It’s amazing how intense music gets when the world is spinning so bloody fast.

Monty Pythons Galaxy Song (click here for a breakdown of how factual this song really is)

That’s a bit how it feels when I get like this (also any reason to throw in a Monty Python song). I really wish I could get off this crazy Bipolar ride. I feel so drained of emotion sometimes and it hurts me not to feel the same way two days running. I crave stability. I don’t know if this manic phase is going to last, I am just going to have to ride it out and see where it takes me.

Until Next Time…

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