Well we are 6 days into 2010 and it’s dilemma time already. For the past ten days or so I have been obsessing over stuff. It’s mostly Doctor Who, but there is other stuff to. I have spent about £100 on Doctor Who DVD’s and I want to spend more. It is taking some real strong will power to overcome this feeling. I have removed all of my payment details from Amazon so I can’t just log on without my card and buy willy nilly. I will give my card to my Mum when she gets home from work. I have had enough of feeling like this. I wish I knew which drug controls the mania side of my BP.
I would call the local MHT but what do I tell them…
“Excuse me but I am obsessing over a 47 year old TV show. Could you please help me?”
I am sure they would have something to say about my wasting their time. What I don’t understand is that apart from the obsessing I seem to be perfectly fine. I am sleeping better than I have in ages. No sleepers and sleeping through the night and staying up through the day without any real problems. I see no other signs of mania. The only conclusion I can come up with is that with being awake more I am drinking more coffee and that is leading me to a more anxious state. Coffee and cigarettes are my only two vices that i partake in on a habitual schedule. It has been suggested on my twitter feed that it could be beneficial to my health (other than the obvious) to quit smoking. But I know that I would be miserable if I did, and my family aren’t ready for a miserable me at the moment.
I don’t make resolutions at New Years as I never stick to them and change should come as a natural progression through life not at some arbitrary time of the year. But I do know that at some point this year I will try and quit smoking. I have been smoking now for 20 years and I think that’s enough. I know I’ll never get my full breathing capacity back but I have to give myself a better shot at making it to 60 without a breathing tube up my nose.
I am losing weight still. I am still not making a concious choice to lose weight, it’s just happening at it’s own pace, but again this year I am going to have to take up some kind of exercise to help shift it a bit quicker. In the next couple of weeks I expect to get a letter informing me to make an appointment to see the areas Diabetes consultant with the view to starting a drug called Byetta. Byetta is a drug that helps control blood sugars but has a side effect of weight loss. It does this by making you feel bloated when you eat thus making you think your fuller than you really are. Sounds like a win win situation to me. I get my blood sugars under control and I get a helping hand at losing the weight. I would like to be under 15 stones by the end of the year.. which means I have about 48 pounds to lose this year. Not an unreasonable goal I don’t think. I am going to start taking more control over the food in the house and start cooking more. We eat an unhealthy amount of take away food at the moment because none of us has the inclination to cook in the evening… that has to change… financially and health wise.
I just read this back and I realise that I MAY be showing slight signs of mania – The obsessing over things, the over spending , making plans that could be out of reach. It all adds up to something I don’t normally do. Whilst none of what I have written is particularly bad (overspending and obsessing aside). The rest is all good plans. But making them in an altered state of mind, I am setting myself up for a fall and a depressing time when/if I realise I can’t fulfil my goals. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I am going around in circles.
Any way, I am going to stop wrapping myself up in knots and just get on with the day. Enjoy the snow if you got it and if you don’t revel in the sun because snow is coming your way… even if I have to hand deliver it myself.
Until Next Time…