We Have No Bananas

It’s nearly 3am and I should be asleep. Actually let me rephrase that… Normally I would be asleep, but tonight is different. Tonight I couldn’t take any sleeping pills because I have to be up before noon tomorrow which is something I haven’t managed in the past week whilst taking the pills. I have been waking up anywhere between 4 am and 8 and having a cigarette and then heading back to bed, it’s that or I fall over where I stand. You would think that after taking these things for a few months my body would have built up some kind of resistance to them like most of my other drugs have done and continue to do so. I am not complaining as I like the fact that I can take two little orange pills and be asleep within an hour, that works for me fella.

I am now into week three of taking Byetta and I really do think it’s having some beneficial effects. I wasn’t a big eater before but I am seriously watching what I eat after a couple of really uncomfortable evenings early on. Obviously I don’t look any different… well at least I don’t see any difference. I wouldn’t I see me every day..lol. I go back to see the diabetic specialist nurse next Wednesday and I’ll find out then how much if any I have lost in the past few weeks and then my dosage will increase to 10 micrograms. Doesn’t sound a lot but that stuff fucks you up the first few days of taking it at 5 micrograms can’t wait to find out what 10 will do:/

I like to think of myself as fully clued in on today’s internet trends. I have two twitter accounts a semi regularly blog I have a Facebook account that I check daily (and I hate FarmVille and all those other game “apps”). But you know something I am so socially retarded that I don’t make use of them. I feel self concious about posting a status on Facebook because I don’t know how my odl school friend will react to my mentalism. I am sure if they took a look at my profile page it wouldn’t take them long to find the link to this blog. Some of the people I have friended over the past 18 months of Facebook haven’t exactly approved of my lifestyle and some of their comments have outraged me at times, but I sat back and hid below the parapets of possible flamage. When I say Lifestyle, I refer to my reliance on state benefits. It would be safe to say that quite a few of my peers from school are probably Daily Mail readers who look at The Sun for the pictures. One or two of them that I have let onto my little roller coaster car have been supportive. I think I have to use exceptional judgement to whom and of what I tell people. When campaigns like Time To Change talk about stigma I guess I am starting to learn that we stigmatise ourselves more than anything else.

Changing the subject totally, I always thought of myself as a man of the people and for the working man, but I gotta say a big FUCK YOU to the the train workers who have decided to go on strike the second week of the Easter holidays. For once in my puny little life I had actually gotten myself psyched up about going out some where and having a day out in public or maybe better yet, going to stay with my brother for a few days. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Bob Crowe (the fucker in charge of the union) decides that it’s better to strike that to discuss and work things out. He thinks that it’s better to ruin peoples holidays. God that Crowe fucker doesn’t my nut in.. he always has and he always will. So you know where you’ll find me the week after Easter.. right fuckin here.

That’s it from me.

Until Next Time…

Worms… Your Honour

So it’s been a couple of weeks but nothing much has changed. I am still fluctuating between rage at the world and maddening depression. One day I want to rip some ones head off and piss down the throat of my victim, the next day I don’t want to get out of bed and function in any way that would even resemble normality. I am dealing with it the best I can. my Psychiatrist has taken me of the promazine and started Lorazapam again twice daily with an optional third if I need it. All the time I spent during last year getting of Lorazapam has all been undone in one phone call. It wasn’t until someone mentioned to me that I had Medication Management to get off the bloody things before that I put two and two together. Oh well, at least I am not a zombie for the whole day just most of the AM period with the Zopiclone.

I have noticed that my “normal” everyday drugs are making me more drowsy. I don’t know why or how I am noticing this because the Zopiclone masks so much of what I feel. But there have been days where I haven’t taken Zopiclone and have still felt whacked out by the drugs from the night before. I am losing weight, maybe that has some effect on the side effects. The weight has been coming off for over two years and I am now down to my lowest weight in years certainly since I came back from the states in 2002.

Talking of weight loss, last Wednesday I started taking twice daily injections of a drug called Byetta. If you can’t be bothered to read all that guff and to be honest I got lost a few times getting through it, Byetta is a diabetes drug that is pretty new to the market and is kinda unique in my drug regime… It induces weight loss. The way it works is that you inject any time an hour before you eat and as you eat signals are sent to your brain saying that you have eaten enough and are getting full, thus making you eat less. This in theory is great but when you don’t gauge how much is enough you end up with a delayed bloating and you can feel very uncomfortable for several hours afterwards as I have found out most of the past week. Tonight is probably the first night where I haven’t felt uncomfortable, that’s mainly because we only had grilled ham and cheese toasties for dinner.. which is just two ham and cheese sandwiches and that wouldn’t normally phase me but tonight I feel like I have eaten a full meal. It’s a learning curve and no doubt by the time I go back to have my dosage increased I’ll have another two weeks of getting used to it. I just hope it’s doing the diabetes side of things good too. Eating less is only part of my struggle though… for it to be truly effective I have to start actively trying to keep fit. I don’t like the sound of it but I may have to dust off the exercise bike and try putting in a few miles on that thing.

Well That’s about all from me tonight.. I leave you with a little Pinkness.. Run Like Hell from Knebworth in 1990… my mate Nigel was there… Lucky Bastard.

Until Next Time…