Well, I am back from my holiday and things are getting back to their normal screwed up sameness. After two weeks of really good sleep (going to bed early and getting up at a reasonable time) I am back to waking up before 5 am and not being able to go back to sleep. This morning I just sat in bed and read some more of my book until about 5.45 and then said “fuck it” and came down stairs to start on the days coffee intake.
There really is some big news I am dying to tell you but can’t for fear of jinxing it. But when the time comes and it should be more than a few days now I’ll let the world know.
The weather is shit.. I mean really shitty. I wouldn’t normally complain but this shit is bad. As I said I have been up since 5 and it’s been raining heavily since at least then…and the wind. Bloody hell if it’s this bad in November what’s it going to be like in January.. I dread to think. I know I was the one all Summer long wishing for the winter to hurry up and arrive but I don’t think anyone would wish this kind of weather on anyone. To make matters worse I HAVE to go into town to the Post Office. Oh well just another ordinary in a less than average life.
I have been on Seroquel for about two months now and I think it’s working well for me. My intense paranoia has subsided. It hasn’t gone away but it’s not as bad as it was around September time. I still think that people are watching me and the visual hallucinations are still there. I keep seeing crawling things out the corner of my left eye. It’s always on my left hand side. Maybe there is something neurologically wrong with the left hand side of my brain. Maybe it’s a physical thing rather than a mental thing. Who knows… anyone have any guesses? Answers on a postcard please.
I would like to say it’s funny how my mind is telling me that I am being followed is but now it’s just getting plain annoying. I thought my trip away and the opportunity to get out and about without any of the added pressure of being seen by the natives of this area of the country and the government keeping tabs on me, but it just wasn’t like that. When ever I went out I had to resort to taking extra Lorazapam. I haven’t had to use extra Lorazapam for ages. I guess it was dealing with the unknown and the busy half term streets of a strange town was too much for me. I reverted back to my old type of not wanting to go out. Even in the deepest depths of boredom I resisted going out. I don’t think I felt totally at ease any time I was out of the house the whole two weeks I was away.
Just as an aside I would like to thank Midland Mainline Train staff at London St Pancras for their HILARIOUS joke on Monday night. I thought your jape of sending two hundred people running for the wrong train just the most funny thing I have ever experienced. One thing I can tell you for sure is that my Mother, who suffers from a COPD related illness thought it was a barrel of laughs having to try and get from one side of the platform to the other side of the set of 4 platforms in under three minutes. The only thing I can say is that you shower of pathetic twats were truly shown up by your on train staff who were most gracious to my mother and I when it was obvious that Mum couldn’t make it down to the assigned seats we had they let her stay in first class and use her oxygen and try and recover a little. It’s just a shame that the stress put on her lungs in that 10 minute time span has induced some kid of reaction that has left her with Flu like symptoms and needing virtually 24 hours a day oxygen at the moment. Bunch of fuckers (almost) the lot of you, I hope Santa fucks off with all your presents and gives them to the people you thought it would be fun to fuck around with.
That is all.
Until Next Time…