Well it’s not really lazy.. but it is Sunday and It is the afternoon. I guess in a vague sort of way it could be classed as lazy as I don’t have anything to do and am just sat here staring blankly at the screen. I do have stuff I could do. I have work on my Stumpfinger rebuild I could be doing but I have no motivation to do it.
The end of this week has been stressful, and kind of hard to handle. I missed two lots of morning medication this week and that has sent me on a bit of a downward spiral. Everything has made me testy and an argument with my brother didn’t help matters. I have been sat in my little corner of the dining room all alone for the majority of the weekend. It’s not healthy I know but the isolation is the only thing that stops me from getting so riled up I take it out on everyone else.
I really am starting to hate my life. I am sick and tired of feeling beaten up all the time. The point of life is becoming more and more tenuous. I am no big shot, my childhood dreams have come and gone in a haze of pharmaceutical pill popping. I am no longer able to function for a full day without needing a nap to get me through until bed time. How is that a life. How is that nothing but a bare bones existence. This move was supposed to be a big change for everyone. So far it’s been a fucking nightmare to live through. I am still paranoid about leaving the house… alone or with people. I am running out of excuses to carry on. Nothing seems to be falling right. It’s all so fucking hard. I really wish there was an easy out, but unfortunately it all includes pain for one person or another. So I am stuck with choosing life… for now.
To make matters worse I still haven’t heard anything from the CMHT yet. Linda pho9ned the Doctor’s surgery last week and was told that the referral letter was only sent out on the 28th of January. So they must be really busy as It’s now the 20th of February and I still haven’t heard a peep from them. If I hear nothing from them in the next few days I will ring the number that is on the Doctors handy leaflet that we were given when we registered with the surgery. To be honest this isn’t filling me with much hope that these people are going top be as helpful as the Corby CMHT were. I guess we will just have to wait and see. If my mood doesn’t pick up i’ll need the crisis team before I see anyone. Such a fucking mess.
In Other distracting news:
I finally got a phone point put into the dining room so I can have the internet router in here and I don’t have to rely on the wireless card that was causing no end of static problems when I played music on the computer. Considering that I spend most of my time here at the computer having decent sounding music and radio is of most importance and the past few weeks with all the static has been most difficult. If anyone else needs a phone point installing I suggest you avoid asking B.T. to do it. Before we moved in the quoted £128 after Christmas and now we have been moved in they quoted £200. I did a quick search on yell.com and that gave me a wealth of choices in the local area. So I phoned a few and the best deal I got was with a local company who did it for £78 inc VAT. Granted they had to postpone by a day but they were good to their word as to when the rescheduled guy would be here, almost to the minute. Drills blaring at 8am aint a barrel of fun, I am sure my neighbours hate me for that. But hey I now have a phone line next to the computer and my speeds have never been faster, here or back in Corby.
I went for an eye test on Wednesday. I thought I only needed new glasses as the ones I had bought late last year were digging into the side of my head and making it very uncomfortable to wear them. We couldn’t find my glasses prescription so I went ahead and had another eye test and my eyes had only changed slightly since I last had them done so I get a new prescription and two new pairs of glasses. Hopefully these will be more comfortable. The main pair I ordered are lightweight and are plenty wide enough so as not to dig in and the second spare pair are the same size and should be OK if anything should go wrong with my main pair. I am not a fashion victim and don’t go for the designer ranges as… well basically… they are either too small (same with clothes) or too expensive (again the same with clothes.) I get the new one next Wednesday. Will maybe if you’re really unlucky I’ll post pics of them when I get them.
That’s it from me for this time.
Until Next Time…