Shadow Of My Former Self

Over the past year or so I have been losing weight naturally.. well I say naturally.. it’s partially chemically enhanced. About 2 years ago I was prescribed a new Diabetes drug. One of the “side effects” is that it helps promote weight loss. It does this by making you fuller quicker when you eat. Well that works to an extent. It didn’t do much in the first 9 to 12 months and I got very disheartened by it all and considered stopping taking the drug and go back to just taking Metformin. I was persuaded to keep gong and give it some more time. Well, another year on and I made a few alterations to the way I deal with my Diabetes.

I now take the drug as normal and my pills as normal, but I have pretty much cut 4/5’s of my food intake too. Yes at times I am hungry and there are times when all I want to do is sit and pig out on comfort food. Sometimes I give in and sometimes I force myself to go without. It’s probably not the healthiest way to live with Diabetes, but you know I have dropped 5 Jean sizes in the past year and I am well on the way to the sixth. I am getting into clothes that I almost threw away before we made the move last year. All of my tops are getting bigger and baggier. If I wasn’t so skint I would be out buying a new wardrobe.

I don’t miss my old ways of eating. I piss my family off by not eating for the whole day when I have no appetite, they nag and moan at me, when they do I usually give in and eat the bare minimum to get them off my back. If I wasn’t just over 18 stone I was say I could have a problem with food, but that idea is just preposterous to me.

I haven’t posted any new pictures in a while. I haven’t really had the motivation to take that many. Having said that, whilst I was out last week, I was waiting for a taxi to pick me up and I noticed that the sun was behind me and I was casting a shadow on the road in front of me. It reminded me of a picture I had taken when I used to work. I’d share that picture but I just can’t find it at the moment. Anyway, here is the image I took recently.

The Shadow Knows... (click to make bigger)

In mental news, I have been having a hard time of things lately. Depression has slow slunk in over the past couple of weeks. I mentioned in my post earlier in the week about my night with racing thoughts, well that hasn’t happened again to any great shakes. I still have that period when I first go to bed where it seems that even the touch of the covers on my skin is going to drive me up the wall. I end up tossing and turning for 10 minutes and start punching my legs to distract from the irritation and then I grow weary and doze off. During the day I am finding it hard to keep motivated and stay awake. I am not interacting with my family the way I had been for a while since I had become more stable. Now I just seem to sit in front of my computer listening to Pink Floyd and waiting to go to bed and start the bullshit process all over again. I have made the decision that if things aren’t greatly improved by Monday I am ringing my CPN and see if I can get in to see him. Not sure what he can do for me but I need a medical view on this.

Anyway, that’s it from me for now.

Until Next Time…

One comment

  1. I am glad to hear you are considering contacting your CPN. The sooner we get to them when this starts the sooner we can feel better.. I am enjoying your blog… Thank you for sharing your life!