Happy Leap day folks. I just had to post today so my archives would show a post from today.. sad aren’t I?

A fair bit has happened in the past week or so since I last post. My paranoia has started to subside. I still don’t look forward to going out in public, but I am making steps to force myself to face my fears within reason. I have never improved in my illness without an element of Gung Ho spirit being involved. My head space gets all bogged down with the fact that I can’t do something and I fulfil that attitude by listening to myself.. and god only knows I am my worst source of advice at the best of times. Continue reading


To the people who subscribe to this blog through the handy little box over in the side bar.. you have probably just had a load of email from this blog.

I had a bright idea to import some posts from another blog that had dealt with my Mental Health before IJAR was a twinkle in my eye. I promise it won’t happen again… hopefully.

Until Next Time…

Need A Break From The Ride

The title of this post could possibly be taken out of context. I am not closing IJAR down, and I am not stopping posting (not that I post a hell of a lot at the moment anyway.) Taking A Break From The Ride simply put is that I have decided that I need to stop some of my more self destructive behaviour. Continue reading


It’s been a while. In fact it feels so much longer than it actually has been.

There is a good reason, well I say good, it’s a reason to me and a damned good one. I am sure there are others who will understand and know what I am talking about.

For the past 3 months I have felt an overwhelming paranoia that has all but crippled me. I haven’t made more than 7 trips outside the house since December 23rd. Of those 7 trips I would hazard a guess that 4 of them were trips to a medical facility and entailed a taxi from my front door to the door of the hospital and the same in reverse. The other 3 times have been forced attempts at trying to break this feeling. It hasn’t worked. I am sat here now at almost 5am wondering how the hell I am going to manage going to a new place later today. Continue reading