As some may remember I have been attending a Creative Arts group through my local CMHT as of late. I am not sure what I was expecting from the group. I know that writing helps level me out at times when I am at sixes and sevens. I know that my Photography helps me see the world a little differently and gives me some perspective on what’s going on around me. What I am not getting (and I am sure this is JUST me being totally thick) is what this group set out to achieve with me.

Now, I am not saying I haven’t enjoyed doing the group.. that certainly isn’t the case. The people who run the group are great people and there is absolutely no pressure whatsoever to be Rembrandt or Damien Hurst. What has been made plainly clear to me is that I have no ability to pick up a pencil or a paintbrush and create anything that looks like it’s supposed to.  This past week was a topic I had been looking forward to exploring ever since we were told about it.

The topic this past week and next week is The Paper Bag Portraits. Basically we were given a largish brown paper bag and asked to paint, collage or some other representation of ourselves on the outside of the bag and then next week we are going to fill the bag with our hopes and dreams for the future. This idea intrigued me greatly. I have a very loose idea of what I look like on the outside. It’s not pretty, but I was wondering how I would express this messed up vision of myself. As with anything creative I tend not to plan stuff out or edit myself. (I REALLY have to break this pattern.. it’s doing me no favours).

I sketched out my basic outline and put in the main details I thought should be there… starting with my beard. Next came the Eyes and Glasses and then somehow I had a wonky mouth and a bulbous nose… I started looking like a Gargoyle from a top a church somewhere. It took me a good 35-45 minutes to get this outline done and then I went a head and started with the colour.

It’s at times like this that I get flashbacks to being in Nursery school and playing around with prime colours… very simplistic and basic. This was no different. I started on my beard which I made Brown. I then remembered looking n the mirror to shave that morning and realising that I had yet more grey hair in my beard… I don’t mind getting grey hair on my head.. there is hardly anything up top to be seen but the beard is a bit hard to miss. So I conceded and added a few silvery white streaks for added realism.

I then needed to colour the main bulk of my head. In my ideal world I would have spent a couple of hours doing neat intricate swirly patterns all over my head and face to represent how I was really feeling.. instead it turned out like this….

My Self Portrait

My Blue Meanie Phase

You see, I know I have more artistic creativity in me than is displayed above. I just have one underlying flaw and it’s a crippling flaw… I am Lazy. I procrastinate like no ones business. I am constantly putting off what I could do now until later when I might feel more inclined. As an example, I had the idea for this post on Thursday afternoon. It’s now 2:45 Saturday morning and I am getting on with it. Writing at this time of day isn’t normal, it certainly isn’t conducive to getting a good nights sleep. The only upside to writing at this time of night is that I get a straight run at it and not feel like I have to keep getting up and doing odd things here and there. The only reason I stop is to go for a cigarette and then it’s straight back to the keys and get on with it.

My photography has taken a hit. I just haven’t been feeling it for the most part. There have been odd flashes of inspiration here and there eg, this past Monday I went with Linda to Guy’s Hospital in London for a test she had to have done. Once we arrived at the hospital We snuck off for a quick cigarette before going in and I looked to my left and noticed a glass building that just seemed “off”. As I looked at this building, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong it. Then I started to look up.. and up… and up.. and up. It was only the bloody Shard building.

The Shard Building - London

Who would have thought something so big could sneak up on you.

You see, this was taken just after 1pm on Monday, it was a fairly nice day, but this behemoth just screamed out for an ominous look to it.. so I played around with a few apps I have for my iPhone and came up with The Shard (AKA Godzilla Building) .

So you see I know I have creativity in me, I just have to get over this bloody procrastination thing and actually make headway into being more than I currently am.

Until Next Time…

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