200+

Black and White image of a Shadow of Me

Me from in front of the sun

Off the bat, this is my 200th published post on IJAR. It’s taken me far to long to get this far and I should be hanging my head in shame at my total crap status as a blogger. Really I am not that worried. I have posted more posts elsewhere that if I hadn’t had other blogs would probably have ended up here anyway. You can find my other blogs, they are all well signposted. I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that I had made it to 200.

The reason for this post is kind of a follow on to my last post about being discharged from front line Mental Health services. In my last post I was very gung ho about the fact and I was all up for the fact that in a few short weeks I would be going it alone with only the back up of my GP, who I don’t have total faith in, but have very little chances of moving away from due to GP shortages in this area. Over the past week to ten days thoughts have been crossing my mind that are not exactly casting doubts on my pending discharge, but more along the lines of what happens to the rest of the things I have relied on CMHT to provide.

I have no idea if I should be contacting benefits agencies about the team discharging me. Yes it is a change in my circumstances, but I know I am still ill. I know I am doing better, but I also know that I am in no way ready to go back into a work place. There is no documentation about this. Who decides? Please if you know the best course of action from here, please let me know either in the comments or by sending me an email (you can find the email button over there —>.

My group finishes this next Monday. It’s been 20 weeks and I have found them in turns informative, frustrating and hugely humbling. I have learned so much about an illness I don’t have, but can identify with.  One thing that really did force itself home during these past 20 weeks and the emotional journey that I went on whilst being with that group of people, Labels Don’t Matter at all. All that matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin and to a certain extent, mind. One of the things I know I will most probably never achieve is total peace. I have to much twisted thinking and the voices will always be there and I have to keep developing ways to drown them out and keep my equilibrium about as even as I can. Doing this will lead me to a stronger base where I can move on and actually state with 99% certainty that I am in Recovery and I am going to be well. It’s a road that I have found and I have a pretty good map to guide me, I just don’t have a very good compass to keep me on that path yet… but I am working on it.

Until Next Time…